Marriage is Like a Fishing Licence
We loved this photo of a home made plaque (maybe a barstool?) on which a fisher philosopher called Larry has expounded on the similarities between marriage and a fishing licence. The photo is dated 2005 so it's clearly been around for some time, but it's still funny!
 |
| (click on image to enlarge) |
Fly Fishermen Know What It's All About
Anyone know where we can get an actual poster sized print of it?
This tall story (complete with photos) sent in by one of our regular readers!
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of bait. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a snake with a frog in his mouth.
"Frogs are good bait" I thought to myself.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit?
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. The snakes eyes rolled back and he went limp.
I released him into the water without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot.
There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth. Life is good up North.
What The? Only in America!
Here in Aus we are enjoying the heat, but in the US, and particularly in the Northern States, its still very very cold, and that means the particularly hardy (crazy?) men and women that love Ice Fishing are out drilling holes in the ice and going after the cold water fish. Now I haven't tried ice fishing and until I do, I don't plan to knock it, but some of the things these yanks do, is just over the top. Ok, having a powerful petrol drill (ice auger) to cut the ice is one thing, but promoting the latest machines with Bikini Girls?
How can you not love a TV commercial that includes the words "hold on to your tackle boys, we're about to have our holes drilled!"?
On Her Hands and Knees
Mike walks in to his favourite bar and says to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman about buying a new boat.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'
'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
Funny Message from the Bottle Fishing Cartoon
Yep, you certainly need balls to take the boat a different way to what your wife says- that's ball bearings!
Funny TV Fishing Show Bloopers
We hope you enjoy these bloopers as much as we did!
The Magician and the Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week andbegan to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, Its not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ..... With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on
the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...
"OK, I give up. Where's the f***g ship?"
Boy Goes to Church Instead of Fishing
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes, Miss, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Funny Fishing Commercial
How can you not love a commercial that uses fishing and pretty girls to get your attention?
Dagnosis
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Too Much Horsepower?
Is too much horsepower even possible? Well we were sent these pics from the US of A by a mate with that subject line, so maybe it is! Not sure the story behind it, but I am sure glad I wasn't the skipper!
Bad Weather
Every Saturday morning he's going fishing. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes...all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is sleet mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 kts. Even for him, its too much.
Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and checks the BOM website. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible.... " To which she sleepily replies.................
"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"
__________________
Business and fishing
One day a fisherman was standing on a beautiful beach, with his fishing rod propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.
About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman standing on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than standing on the beach!"
The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"
"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.
"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.
"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.
The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"
Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days standing on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"
I'm going to Miss Her
American Country Singer Brad Paisley loves Bass fishing - just one problem, his wife has given him an ultimatum, "it's me or the fish". Here is what he has to say:
(click on image and youtube clip will open in new window)
By the way, my wife sent me this clip - I wonder what she was trying to tell me?
My Pet Fish
A man was stopped by a Fisheries Inspector recently with two buckets of fish.
The Inspector asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the Inspector, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the Inspector replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the water and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the Inspector for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The Inspector was curious.
The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the Inspector turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the Inspector prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH"
"What fish?" the man asked.
Taking the Wife Fishing
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh"
"She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"
0 comments:
Post a Comment